No awkward lesbian experiences without me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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