ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
