he puts the penis in happiness.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
