Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
