I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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