Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize