I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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