She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
