And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
