This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
