I think my vagina is haunted
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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