I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
