If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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