Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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