if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
