sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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