Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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