wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
