So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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