Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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