If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
