Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
