he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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