you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
