Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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