I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
