Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
