I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thus making me awesome and them whores
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
