so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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