i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
