why didn't you poke me back
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
