i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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