It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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