don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize