i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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