I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
