thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
