I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the condom got lost in my hair
you would pick up someone in the library
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
