i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
