I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize