I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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