Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
