I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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