I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
