shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
