your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
