need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
