he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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