be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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