the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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