I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize