Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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