my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
