The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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