So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
