Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
