we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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