Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
