We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
