can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
