so that wasnt chicken after all
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
