omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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