I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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