sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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