Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
