can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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