I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
As shirtless as possible
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
