it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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