I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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