If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
