if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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