one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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