you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
